The Verdict

After writing yesterday's blog post, it became pretty clear to me what my desires are for 2014. Sometimes just writing everything down - whether it be in an email, a blog update, or a detailed spreadsheet with weighted and color-coded pros and cons - clarifies how I feel about something. Having everything laid out in black and white helps me relax the mind enough to listen to the gut.

By the time I got in bed, I was 98% certain of my choice; when I awoke this morning, I felt at peace with my decision, excited about the coming year and all of its challenges, and confident that I will be happy with my decision a year from now and beyond.

I am happy to announce I am NOT racing Ironman Chattanooga in 2014!

(The whole world can exhale now! Everyone can go on with their lives! ha ha)

As much fun as it would be, I can tell my desire is just not high enough to get the job done. When you're in the middle of training and you're tired, worn down, pushed to your limit with training and planning and showering and laundry and everything else and you hardly ever see your husband or your kid and almost never see your mom or your sister and niece and you forget to pay the water bill and you start to wonder why the hell am I doing this?, that desire needs to be there to pull you through. I suspect I will have that desire again in the future, but I certainly don't have it now.

Boy, is my mom going to be happy to read this! She texted me 6 times before I even got out of bed this morning (that's the equivalent of spitting out her coffee in alarm). Apparently she did not fix her coffee before reading the blog post, but everything else, I got right: she doesn't want me to do it, but she would support me if I did. How awesome is that?!?

So, what will I do in 2014 instead of an Ironman? Lots of awesome things:

• Charleston Half Marathon in January with my friends whom I don't get to see often enough
• Asheville Marathon at the Biltmore in March with my husband with whom I don't get to run often enough
• A full season of duathlons in NC, SC and GA (and maybe AL and AZ... We'll see...)
• The local sprint triathlons
• An organized bike ride or two
• Volunteer at Ironman Chattanooga so I can cheer on all my friends!

Plus the usual stuff: lots of traveling for work, a few concerts with the South Carolina Philharmonic, an actual family vacation to DC, and... oh yeah... I will probably pay all my bills on time.

Also, I'll turn 40. How hard could that be?

Thanks, friends, for your advice and perspective. I look forward to supporting all of you on your road to Chatty and partying with you at the finish line.

Then, in 2015: CHOO-CHOO!

Decision Time

At some point in the middle of the night, this post will be delivered to my mom's e-mail inbox. When she awakens tomorrow, she'll probably fix herself a cup of coffee, sit down on the sofa with her laptop, and open her email.

At this point, she's wondering, "Uh-oh. Why is Jen writing about me? I don't get it."

And when she finds out why I'm writing this, she'll probably spit out her coffee, open her eyes wide, and shriek, "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!"

So, what is the point? What could be so surprising or alarming or exciting?

It's this: I think I want to race Ironman Chattanooga next year.

I know, Mom. I know I know I know.

The inaugural Ironman Chattanooga is scheduled for late September 2014. I strongly want to do this race, for several reasons:

• It's a relatively short drive away.
• The course looks awesome.
• There won't be a heat index of 100 degrees like we had in Texas.

However, a good-sized part of me does not want to do another full in 2014. My plan (before they announced the location) was to volunteer at the new southeast US Ironman in 2014, let them work out the kinks that inevitably accompany a first-year race, then race it in 2015.

So why the change? Why don't I want to wait until 2015?

There is a large contingent from this area signing up to race it in 2014. There will be many opportunities to train with a group, lots of moral support and camaraderie, and one hell of a party in Chattanooga. I did my training for IMTX alone (I'm grateful that my friend Ray joined me for the second half of many long rides), and although that enabled me to stick to my own workouts and paces and heartrate zones, it was tough. I want to know what it would be like to experience Ironman training and racing with friends, and this might be my only opportunity. Not to mention, if I don't sign up this year, it's going to be a loooooong year of being jealous of everyone else's workouts and fellowship. I will greatly miss out. I might have to suspend my Facebook account for the year just so I don't have to see what a great time everyone is having training for Ironman Chattanooga.

So, why not go for it? What is keeping me from jumping in head-first for 2014?

Well....

First of all, I don't think that level of training is good for me. I could see doing it every once in a while, but certainly not every year. It could be argued that major endurance events damage you physically, the ramifications of which won't be seen until 20 years down the road (yes, there are studies, and yes, I can email you the links if you want to read them). Of course, you could also argue that athletes who have completed multiple Ironman races are healthier than 99% of the population. But we're talking about a sample size of one: Me. And for me, constant long-distance training is not good.

Secondly, I currently have no desire to strike out on 4- to 8-hour workouts or to spend Friday evenings prepping my fuel for Saturday long rides or to fork out a small fortune on regular massage and PT. I am LOVING my short workouts for Oly training. I LOVE that I have time to spend with Jeff and Sophie and the energy to do yard work and the money to fix some things around the house. I LOVE that when my workouts are less than three hours, the extra body fat comes off and the muscles get bigger and I feel strong and healthy. I LOVE that I'm getting a little speed back (very little and very slowly, but I will do the work and I will be patient and the results will come). I am not ready to jump back into Ironman training; but, training technically wouldn't begin until early April, and who knows? I might be ready by then.

Thirdly, I really enjoyed the duathlon I did last month. Really, really, really enjoyed it. I want to do more of those. And not as one-offs, but as goal races. I can see myself having a whole 2014 season of duathlons. Thinking about it excites me. It's a new goal with new information to learn and new workouts to try and new people to meet. And I wanna go fast.

Furthermore, Ironman training and racing is expensive. That's money we could be spending on other things, like Sophie's piano lessons, Jeff's tri bike, Jeff's new car, and the coach I want to hire. Also, I wouldn't hate it if I got race wheels.

Jeff gave me the go-ahead to do it before I even finished the sentence, "They announced that the new Ironman will be in Chattanooga!" Sophie told me she doesn't care, as long as she gets to come to Tennessee with us for the race. I have a feeling my mom will say, "PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DO ANOTHER IRONMAN!"

I could go on, I'm sure, in support of both sides of the coin. I've been mulling this over, changing my mind back and forth and back again, since they announced the race a couple of weeks ago.

And now decision time is here.

For undisclosed reasons, I have to make my decision by tomorrow.

I am certain I will make the right choice, because no matter what I decide, I will make the best of it. I'm also certain that I will have regrets with either choice, because there is sacrifice either way.

So, I will sleep on it. I must say, writing this has helped a lot, and I think I know which way I'm leaning. But I will give it a good sleep and go with my gut and everything will be alright.

And if it's not, I reserve the right to bitch about it constantly for the next year.

Playing Catch-Up

I have lots of catching up to do. Life has been busy and I just haven't had time to write it all down.

I raced the duathlon last month and LOVED IT. I love to run, so a race where I get to run TWICE is double the fun. There were only 7 females, so for the first (and possibly only) time in my life, I won.

I always wondered what it would feel like to win a race. Although it was exciting, it wasn't very satisfying, as my performance was not my best. I did my best for that day but I'm still quite far behind where I was a year ago as far as speed is concerned. And when I tried to sprint to the finish, there was no extra gear left in my legs. My mind said "GO!" and my legs said "La la la la - We can't hear you!" What a strange feeling!

Ideally, one would want a satisfying performance AND a win. But if I had to choose one or the other, I'd probably choose the strong performance. Well... depending on who I was racing. I don't know. Maybe I'll just have to go after both.

Since the duathlon, I've begun training for my next goal race: The Pinehurst International Triathlon in October. I'm doing another Dave Scott training plan, and as usual, he's kicking my ass. I love it. I'm so glad to be finally working on speed again and to have some structure to my training. I have a few sprints before that race but I'll just treat them as training days.

I raced the Greenville Sprint Triathlon a couple weeks ago. It was my first time doing that race and the course is wonderful. It wasn't an "A" race for me so I decided to experiment with some different things. I swam the swim at an easy pace, walked to my bike in transition, and walked slowly to the mount line for the bike leg. This was intentional, to remind myself that I was not racing. I held back a bit on the bike leg to keep my heartrate under a certain number, but was able to enjoy a game of cat-and-mouse with a 62-year-old man right until we dismounted. I hurried through T2 then ran a steady run, again keeping the heartrate down. It was hard to go do a race where I wasn't trying to go fast, but I got out of it what I needed.

For the past 3 weeks, I've cleaned up my food intake: very little gluten, dairy, sugar, or processed foods. I'm working on gaining muscle and losing fat (I can tell it's working because my quads are growing and my breasts are shrinking) but the added benefits are more energy, better sleep, and clearer lungs.

Speaking of clearer lungs, today I took the last dose of the steroid I've been on for 4 months for my lungs. Now we wait and see if my lungs continue to cooperate. Going into fall allergy season, this will be a challenge, but I'm feeling optimistic, especially because I'm eating well. Food choices seem to have had a moderate impact on my symptoms.

Earlier this week, I had a terrible run. Awful. Just bad, rough, crappy, and not good at all. It was about 12 hours after a tough bike ride with lots of hill reps, and my quads felt pretty shredded. The run was supposed to be at race pace (whatever that is...) but I couldn't hold it more than 2 miles. I haven't had a run that bad in about a year.

I view this as good news, because I believe that a "bad run" always precedes a breakthrough. I think my body is adjusting to the increase in training intensity and will bounce back a little stronger and faster. Progress is imminent!

I also had the worst swim in year. It was my first time in the water in 10 days, and it was as if I had never done freestyle before. Flailing limbs, multiple snorts of water, sloppy drills - nothing went right. Forget how slow I was - it just plain old felt bad. Even when I'm slow, I usually enjoy being in the water, but this was brutal. But rather than signaling a swim breakthrough, it really points to a lack of consistent swim training. I have renewed my commitment to get in the water more often.

There are a few mantras I use to get through these tough patches of training. Usually one or the other gets me back on track:

 

I will do the work and I will be patient and the results will come.
(I enjoy doing the work; it's the being patient that is so damn hard.)

 

This too shall pass.

(Whether it's going well or really sucking, it will change soon.)

 

HTFU

(For when it's not getting better fast enough.)

Feel free to use these as needed. They work well at the office too.

Adjusting

Life has become very busy. The months when I was able to train for an Ironman seem like a past life. Now I'm struggling to get 6 hours of exercise per week.

Side note: Even two years ago, I never would've believed that exercising 6 hours per week was possible for me, let alone that I would consider that a "down" week. It's all about perspective, isn't it?

Work is creating changes in my life right now. I have a couple of projects underway, one of which is nearing completion after two years and is creating a good deal of stress on my part with deadlines and questions and such. I'm surprised by how much energy I use just thinking all day. I'm also traveling more, which I like on many levels, but it makes having a routine a thing of the past.

I've given up on following any type of schedule, and am just fitting in workouts as I can. I'm only biking and running these days. I need to get some swims in, and soon... I have 4 tris coming up and I believe they all include a swim leg. Oy vey.

I did have a FANTASTIC swim lesson with a local tri guru a few weeks ago. He analyzed my stroke and gave me pointers and drills to help correct my issues. I had lots of issues. He tried really hard to find positive things to say about my swim. When words failed him, I suggested that my fat ass helps keep my lower body near the water's surface, which is a plus. He agreed. Winning!

Anyway, I've juggled types of workouts based on the time I have for a workout and how I feel that day. Feeling good? Tempo run. Legs tired? Recovery spin. Hard day at work? Hill reps on the bike or run. Can't make up my mind? Time to do a brick! And eventually, usually once or twice a week, life forces a rest day. So, it all works out.

I'm making the best of the situation while trying to keep my energy levels up for work and home life. It really seems to be working well, except I'm not getting any runs longer than an hour, and I've only ridden outside about twice a month (and lately, not over 90 minutes).

I think I've finally reached a point where I no longer think of how much fitness I've lost since the Ironman and instead think of how much time and flexibility and energy I've gained. I'm happy to be doing speedwork again (FINALLY) although I have a looooooong way to go to get back to where I was a year ago. For now, I'm enjoying the process and focusing on being healthy and well-balanced.

The only real issue I have right now is my lung situation. I'm beginning my fifth and final month of steroid treatment for asthma. I believe the meds have helped, and I hope the effects last. I'm still using the rescue inhaler, and more regularly than I'd like. It seems I got a good bit better, but have flare-ups triggered by allergies and humidity. Good thing it's not very humid around here....ha ha. (I ran in 100% humidity one morning last week. It was a short easy run, and my airways handled it well; not sure how I would've felt if I'd added intensity, which also is a trigger for me.) Overall, the asthma is worse than it was a year ago, but better than it was four months ago... So, who knows what will happen.

This weekend, I'll be racing my first duathlon. I'm excited about trying something new! I don't expect to do very well, as I don't have much speed at this point, but I'm going to give it my best, and have fun too. A race where I get to run twice? Awesome!

(Everyone, say it with me: How hard could it be?)

Tri the Midlands: Short Race, Long Race Report

I was on the fence about doing TTM this year, but decided I should do it because it would be good practice for transitions and be a great high-intensity workout. I knew I would be slower than last year, since I haven't done much speedwork or ANY hills reps yet this season.

I wasn't very excited about doing the race, but I wasn't nervous either. I registered on site on race morning - that was an odd experience because it added more "things to do" to an already hectic pre-race routine. I didn't even know what time my wave would go off - and didn't really care! I figured I'd just follow all the other women with my color of swim cap.



Members of the NW YMCA Tri Club before the race. Great people!

The day before the race, I read my TTM race reports from the last two years to re-familiarize myself with the race mentally and see what suggestions I had made for myself for next time. (Key notes included, "Don't ever do this race again because the run is awful and it's a zillion degrees," as well as, "Beat Alex McDonald," but that wasn't helpful, since he wasn't racing this year. Something about running out of XXL swim caps...)

One big question mark about the race was how my lungs would react. Overall, they've been much better, but humidity seems to be my biggest asthma trigger. I have to find a way to deal with this if I want to continue racing. And by "deal" I mean "make it not happen anymore."

I started the swim and felt okay, even though the TTM age group swim start is pretty violent compared to other races. It was the same way last year (I'm glad I had noted this in last year's race report). It's just a lot of bodies crammed into a narrow starting area. I sometimes wait 7 or 8 seconds before starting the swim to give myself room, but this year I went when the buzzer sounded. I started toward the back of the pack. I didn't get kicked, I just got swum over and bumped into, and I kept swimming into a girl doing backstroke. She did backstroke faster than I could do freestyle. Sigh.

I swam in a pretty straight line - at least, better than previous years.

Yes, this is "pretty straight" for me and very much "better than previous years."

I kept bumping into backstroke girl, and sometimes I would get a good mouthful of water. That doesn't bother me much mentally, but physically I must've been swallowing air like I do a lot... and I hadn't taken a Gas-X like I sometimes do to help with the bloating during the swim. I'd been aware of the sound of my breathing, and although I felt I could breathe fine, it sounded a little raspy. I just made a mental note and carried on.

I rounded the second turn buoy and started the third and final leg of the swim. I was feeling pretty good, swimming comfortably and focusing on form. About 100yds from the finish, I felt my throat get tight. It felt like I'd swallowed an egg whole and it had lodged in my throat. I was fairly certain it was an air bubble that couldn't find its way out, but I wondered if it was my airway closing up. I looked around for a boat and there was one nearby. I thought, if I'm having an asthma attack, I'll have to wave to the boat and climb aboard, and somehow get to T1 and grab my inhaler (which I had already used before the race). Then I'll take more puffs, which will make my heart race. And I might OD. I felt the panic surge through my entire body - legs felt like jelly, arms got weak, head was swimming, heart was racing. I had maybe 75yards to go, and I had to decide whether to just keep going or to wave for help. I thought it might just be an air bubble and anxiety, but then thought I might die that way because it really was asthma. I decided to keep swimming and reassess when I got to shore. I also decided that triathlons/races aren't good for me anymore.

Relieved to have not died.

 

I survived the swim. My swim time was MUCH slower than last year. Like, three minutes slower. And I was slow last year! Unbelievable.

Usually on the bike leg, my plan is to start easy for 5 minutes to get my heartrate down from T1, then take off. But I didn't - I went fairly hard from the get-go. At least, I was working hard, but I wasn't going very fast. I should've done my usual plan. Learning experience! Ding ding!

A few miles into the bike, I was working hard and breathing hard, and with every deep breath I thought I felt my heart skip. I tried to tell myself it was an air bubble... my stomach was bloated and upset from the air I swallowed on the swim - but it really freaked me out. But I just kept on going. I felt like I had dueling personalities: On one shoulder was the Angel of Reassurance: "You're strong and healthy. You just did an Ironman, for God's sake." On the other shoulder was the Asshole of Anxiety: "Yeah, you just did  an Ironman, which is terrible for you and damaged your heart and caused inflammation and YOU ARE GOING TO DIE." I punched the asshole in the throat and kept going.

Usually on that course I fall apart on the last 3 miles of the bike leg, but for once, I felt strong and really killed those last 3 miles. "Really killed" means "didn't want to puke or quit and I passed several people and NOBODY PASSED ME." My overall bike time was slower than last year's, as I thought it might be - but I felt like I went fast! Sigh. At least only one female passed me during the bike leg, and I passed a good number of people.

At T2 I started to run out without my race number. Doh! I ran back for it then took off. I made myself slow down because in my race report last year, I noted I ran too fast out of transition and up that first hill and paid for it later. So this year, I shuffled uphill slowly and made the left turn into the rolling section.

As I approached The Hill on mile 2, I saw my friend Ken in front of me. I was tired and was trying to come up with a walk/run strategy for the hill. Of course, I should've done that before the race... Anyway, I caught up with Ken (who looked REALLY strong and had a great race) and asked him what his plan for the hill was. He said, "Run up it." Dammit!. So I ran up it with him. I really, really wanted to walk! The only times I walked were the water stops. There were 3 water stops on the run and I walked all of them! On a sprint! Wow.

One of the greatest things about this race is seeing all your friends during the out and back run leg. On my way out, I tried to shout encouragement to everyone that was on their way back. Of course, I really wanted be on my way back at that point... Anyway, this was my first race as a member of the Cycle Center Tri Team, and it was FANTASTIC to race with my teammates. I wish I had better words to describe it.

I had figured I'd finish in the bottom third of my age group, but ended up with 5th, even though I was 4 minutes slower overall than last year. Of course, AG placement is mostly about who shows up that day - and that's out of my control. Some of the usual suspects weren't there; had they been, I definitely would've finished lower.

My run was only 4 seconds slower than last year, but last year was way hotter, so comparatively, I was much stronger then. On the bright side, I didn't do as poorly as I'd thought I would. But getting slower is awful, and I did not enjoy much of the race because of my fears.

Jeff & Sophie came to see the race, and Ken pulled me up The Hill

After the race, I didn't bounce back to normal as quickly as I usually do. JC and Sophie were there, and they walked around with me. Even after 10 minutes I still felt pretty shitty. I told Jeff that and he reminded me that you're supposed to feel shitty after a race (but usually for me it doesn't last that long). It took a while, but I finally got back to mostly normal. EXCEPT I got The Headache.

The Headache is the post-exercise headache that puts me out of commission for 24 hours. I warmed up slowly and thoroughly, I hydrated well, I took plenty of electrolytes, I took in proper fuel before, during and afterward, I didn't overheat, I cooled down almost immediately after the race... This is just so frustrating. I got through 6 months of Ironman training and over 16 hours of a very hot Ironman without getting The Headache. Then in one 90 minute race, I'm knocked on my ass again. The only variable that's different is intensity. I will have to keep an eye on this and see if high-intensity exercise is the culprit. If it is, then I'll have to decide if racing or even doing speedwork is worth it.

Anyway, that's everything. I'm sorry if you read through this entire report; I really just wanted to get it all out for myself, so I could reflect back on it later (before next year's TTM, when I will surely DOMINATE it, for a change). As frustrating as this race was this year, I've found several nuggets of goodness: I had a "fairly straight" swim, I had negative splits/appropriately increasing intensity on the bike & run legs, I overcame the anxiety (or at least I didn't let it stop me), and I thoroughly enjoyed racing with so many friends and teammates.

My next race is in 4 weeks: the Tom Hoskins Memorial Triathlon. But in a crazy turn of events, I'm not doing the tri. I signed up for the duathlon! Since making this decision to try something new, I'm excited and motivated again. I really want to do well, and I really want to not be afraid of dying. How hard could it be?

Accountability

Six weeks.

It's been six weeks since I won dominated finished conquered Ironman Texas. I took two weeks completely off from exercise, and waited another week before running. Since then, I've been floundering.

I haven't had the post-Ironman blues and I haven't felt tired or worn down. As a matter of fact, for most of the past six weeks, I've felt better than I ever have in my life: full of energy, mentally alert, and hardly cranky at all.

I've just had a hard time getting back into a groove. I've been swimming only once per week. (Strangely enough, my swimming is getting slower. Who knew?!?)

I don't have another "big" goal for this season. I would have loved to race Augusta 70.3 again, but a work obligation will put me in Chicago that weekend. I'm incredibly jealous of everyone who is racing it this year. And it seems like EVERYONE is racing it. Except me. <insert pity party here>

I have a handful of sprints on the schedule and one Olympic race (Pinehurst International in early October - come join in the fun!). I had wanted to use my huge base to springboard into strength, power and speed training, so I could get much faster for these short races. Three weeks ago I laid out my training plan for two weeks and tried to get going again. I only completed about two-thirds of the workouts (only one-third of the swims). This past week, I didn't even plan anything. I just winged it.

Part of it is that life is getting in the way. Life and work. And I'm not motivated enough right now to make it happen despite the challenges. For example, I had planned to swim at the Y pool yesterday between work & our tri club meeting. I arrived at the pool with all my swim toys - cap, goggles, paddles, tennis balls, pull buoy - to find approximately four hundred thousand kids in it for a swim meet. Pool closed! So I went to the store to stock up on bananas and figured I'd just swim after the meeting. Not ideal, but not terrible.

Fast forward to 8pm, when the meeting was over. The pool was still swarming with pint-size swimmers having their meet, which, I finally saw on the poster in the lobby, wouldn't be over until 8:30pm. Let's see - sit around for 30 minutes, get in the pool at 8:35, out at 9:20, showered & dressed by 9:40, home at 10:10.

Nope. Not gonna happen.

You know what? I'm not training for an Ironman anymore, so if I don't want to exercise after 8pm, I don't have to. That seems reasonable, yes. Except, the problem is, I've had what I consider a "fairly good reason" to miss a workout most days this week. Since Tri the Midlands last Saturday (I'll write more about that race in a later post), I have done one workout. One. It's now 10pm on Friday evening.

So, looking ahead, my next race - the Tom Hoskins Memorial Sprint Triathlon - is four weeks away. This was the first tri I ever did, and every year I go back to see how far I've come. Last year was the first time I placed, and dammit, I want to again. I had wanted to be working on speed right now so I could have a strong race. But instead, I've been slacking. Unless a miracle occurs, I don't see myself bringing home the coveted coffee cup this year.

I do have a purpose for writing this. Last December, I noted in this blog how hard it was for me to get up and do workouts before work. I posted my results each day to hold myself accountable for getting those early workouts done. Looking forward to posting about my success (or fearing having to post about my failure) helped get my ass out of bed and into whatever type of spandex that morning's workout required.

I've decided to use the blog as a motivator again - but I need your help. Over the next few days, I'm going to outline my goals - both short-term and for the rest of the season - then lay out my plan. As the days and weeks tick by, I'll post my progress and my shortcomings. When I fail to step up, I want you to call me out. If I slack, if I take the easy way out, if I can't get my ass out of bed: Let me have it. Shame me. Lay on the guilt. Trust me - there's nothing you can say that will be worse than what I'm telling myself. Together, we can get this train back on track.

And if this works, maybe I'll let you borrow my awesome new coffee cup.

Not a Race Report

I have A LOT of catching up to do. There is so much to write/say about Ironman Texas, it will probably take me a month's worth of blog posts to get it all out. But there are a few things I need to get off my chest right away:

#1: I AM AN IRONMAN.
Actually, I feel like kind of a poser. Sure, I finished, but I have such mixed emotions about it. I went SO FREAKING SLOWLY to make sure I didn't overheat. I spun easy on the bike the WHOLE TIME and I walked about two thirds of the marathon. This is not what I had practiced, planned for, envisioned, or wanted. I feel so unfulfilled.

Yet, I'm extremely grateful that I generally felt well the entire race. So many people were puking, bonking, overheating, passing out - you name it. It was one of my main goals to do the race smartly, and I nailed it. I freaking nailed it. But I'm left wondering - could I have pushed harder on the bike and still finished strongly? Could I have run more and still felt well? I won't ever have answers to these questions.

#2: MY HUSBAND IS AWESOME.
After spending the last 5-6 months training and ignoring a lot of things at home (sorry about forgetting to pay the water bill in February...), it was MARVELOUS to spend 8 days with Jeff. The days leading up to race day were an emotional roller coaster, and he was my rock. He never complained, always said "yes" to my requests ("Will you just walk the mile and a half to the swim practice with me early in the morning, stand around holding my shit whilst I swim, then walk back with me?"), and kept me calm when I needed it most.

I am unbelievably glad we were able to experience IMTX week together.

I also want to mention he had a certain gleam in his eye. He mentioned several times how he kind of wished he were doing it, and maybe he'd do an Ironman one day. He always said he was kidding, but I saw something in there. (Yes, he is the same guy who, upon finishing the Charleston Sprint Tri, said, "Y'all can have this shit.")

I'm really looking forward to supporting him in his next endeavors. I have so much to give back. I love you, schmoops. <3

#3: I COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT MY MOM.
This topic is really worthy of a full post, and I'll get to that one day. I just want to say that having my mom on my team was essential to my success, both in training and on race day. During low points on the run, when I was having one of those periods of feeling shitty, I talked to her in my head: "Mom, I'm doing everything we talked about. I'm hydrating properly (read: enough but not too much), I'm electrolyting the f*ck out of myself, I'm taking in fuel appropriately, my heartrate is low, I'm lucid, I'm not nauseated, I'm doing the best I can." And in my head, she would reply: "Jen, you can do it. You trained for this. You're strong and healthy. You can do it."

I know she was a nervous wreck about me doing an Ironman. When I first told her last summer that I had signed up to do Ironman Texas, her response (with huge eyes) was, "WHAT?!?! WHY???" As physical issues cropped up this spring (screw you, asthma), she was an integral part of my plan for treatment. She helped me research the meds I had to begin taking, and recommended I make adjustments with my electrolyte intake, because of the medication's effect on potassium. She came over to my house after the early March workout/electrolyte imbalance episode that instigated my two-week-long Ironman Freak-Out; she examined me, reassured me, and, yes, implored me to stop this craziness called Ironman training. Yet she still helped me as I continued, despite her own fears.

During long rides I did alone, I would text her periodically to let her know where I was and that I was okay. On one ride early in my training, she even drove out into the middle of nowhere to look for me and make sure I was okay. On the last long ride I did, just a few weeks ago, in the cold rain with a rubbing rear brake and my really bad attitude, she texted me encouragement: "You can do it. You're so close to your goal. Don't give up now," even though I know she was thinking, "Jen, you've already done so much. Do you really need to do this crazy race?"

Yeah, I did need to do it. Thanks, Mom, for all your help, your brains, your love, your strength. I love you. <3

#4: EVERYONE ON MY SUPPORT TEAM IS AMAZING.
Throughout training and race day, I always felt like I had a team of people sending me encouragement. Some were already Ironmen, some were accomplished athletes in other disciplines, some were friends, some were relatives, some were professionals who worked on me - my muscles, my joints, my lungs - some were fellow athletes training for IMTX whom I had never met but reached out to me on Facebook to give encouragement... There were so many people on my team.

During the swim, I thought about every one of you. I thanked you over and over with each stroke. For the entire race, I felt like we were out there together. In T2, when I decided I didn't really want to be an Ironman, and frankly, I didn't even want to hear that word ever again, it was the thought of everyone on my team that got me out of the changing tent and onto the course. With everything you have given me, I couldn't let you down.

Thank you for being there for me, with me, in my head and my heart. You guys are AWESOME.

#5: I MET THREE AND A HALF GOALS.
I had posted my 5 goals for this race, and noted that achieving the top three would constitute a 100%successful race. Here is the outcome:

Don't die. CHECK!

Finish. CHECK!

Don't shit or vomit on myself. CHECK! (Nor did I shit or vomit on anyone else! Bonus!)

Perform at the level of ability for which I trained.
This is where it gets muddy. I know, I understand, I accept that there are challenges in every Ironman race. But when you're training, you're always envisioning what you think you could do. What would my perfect race have looked like, time-wise?

I think I could have done this:
Swim: 1:40
Bike: 6:45
Run: 4:50
Transitions: 25 minutes
Total: 13:40

Instead, I did this:
Swim: 1:48 (Happy with this)
Bike: 7:34 (I stopped to pee every hour and fifteen minutes, plus stopped at most aid stations to get ice; I think my actual moving time was around 7 hours)
Run: 6:27 (As a runner, this is the part I'm struggling with the most. I could have run more. I chose to walk most of the second loop and talk to Dan from Canada, who was puking and couldn't keep any calories in. I enjoyed that lap. I'm struggling with the fact that I enjoyed it instead of pushing myself.)
Transitions: 47 minutes (Yes, you read that right. I spent 47 minutes sitting, dressing, resting, being confused, talking to others... It didn't seem like that long, but damn, this is AWFUL.)
Total: 16:37

Win. Well, not this time.

Now, I know the numbers don't tell the whole story. The story includes things like temps in the mid-90s, full sun, winds on the bike (which I'm used to and had planned for), polluted air (both from the haze of Houston and the smoke blowing in from Mexico) which jacked up my lungs a good bit, and a PMS headache for the entire day. But that's all part of doing an Ironman. There is no "perfect race" - only smart and strong performances. Mine was smart - but strong, I'm not so sure.

You know what they call the person who graduates from med school at the bottom of his class?
Doctor.

You know what they call the person who finishes an Ironman in 16:37?
Ironman.

I. AM. AN. IRONMAN.