This week started off poorly. After the asthma bomb was dropped, I dutifully took my new meds and tried to ignore the side effects. One of them gave me sore muscles and joints, some muscle cramps, then muscle weakness. After four days of it, my doc told me to quit. NO PROBLEM. Twenty-four hours later, I was already improving. It took 4 days and I finally feel like I'm almost back to normal.
Wednesday's long run was supposed to be 12.7 miles. It started off well, but my muscles fatigued very quickly. After 6 miles I was bargaining with myself: Maybe you can scrap this tonight and try the long run on Friday. Another mile later: Maybe just two more miles, then you can drive home and do the last 4 on the treadmill. Another mile later: I'll just run a half mile out, then turn around and come back and re-negotiate. Somehow I pushed through and got in 12.3. That was enough.
The run was difficult physically, but even worse mentally. The meds were giving me some anxiety, and that was turning into fear. I was afraid to use the inhaler, I was afraid not to use the inhaler; I was afraid to do the entire run, I was afraid that if I didn't do it I wouldn't be on track with my training; but mostly, I was afraid that I am not cut out for doing an Ironman. What if I'm just not physically able? That's one thing - but how would I know? How do I know if my inner voice is just fear, or if it's warning me? Even if I am physically prepared, I cannot do an Ironman with that fear inside of me. I guess everyone has these doubts. I hope everyone has these doubts.
I do know this: If I quit anything due to fear, I will never be able to begin again. I have to keep pushing through. It will get better, and I will be stronger for it. I CANNOT QUIT.
Thursday was my first day back in the pool in a week. Since I'm using an inhaler, my lungs seem to take in so much more air now. I was breathing about 30% less often than before. But my muscles were so weak - I could barely get a good push off the wall. I tried making myself breathe more, but then I was borderline hyperventilating, so that was out. That workout was supposed to be my monthly time trial, but I just could not get any speed at all. So I decided to adjust my workout and enjoy the easy swim as a recovery from the previous night's run. I was glad to see that my easy pace is still decent, so if I go that pace during the Ironman swim, I will finish that leg in an acceptable time.
Luckily, I stopped the other medication Thursday, so by Friday's swim I was already improving. I think I will get back to normal soon.
Friday night's run included tempo intervals - my first ones since starting this training plan. I was so excited! Although I was running faster, my breathing never sped up. Again, the inhaler must be working wonders. However, it also increases heartrate: I hit my highest heartrate since three years ago. And my breathing was still slow to medium. I guess it's going to take some time to adjust to the effects of the inhaler, and re-calibrate my perceived effort. I can't go by my breathing rate at all right now.
Saturday I rode 63 miles in warm, windy weather. I knew the wind would make for an interesting ride, but as Sophie told me, "When it's windy, it makes it harder, but it also makes you stronger." Amen, kiddo. So, I applied some red Sharpie motivation to my hand and headed out the door.
And you know what? It did pass.
Miles 50 to 58 finally brought the tailwind. I must say, that is THE BEST way to finish a ride. All of a sudden, your legs are fresh and you are sad that it's time to stop. But as we approached the finish, I started thinking: Miles 60-90 on the IMTX course reportedly have a headwind. I'd better see what it's like to ride into the wind after 60 miles while I have the chance. So I went a couple extra miles down the road, turned around, and did the last 2 miles of the ride straight into the wind. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't too terrible either. I could've kept going for a while if I had to.
But instead, I stuck to the plan. I hopped off the bike and ran for 20 minutes on the high school track. That was also an experience - running straight into the wind over and over! Are you supposed to get aero when running, like you do on the bike? I found myself putting my head down when on the windy side, like I was on the offensive line. Get low! The lower guy has the power! Okay, so even if I can't finish the race, I may be able to at least tackle somebody.
There were many good things about yesterday's ride: I never had any knee pain; my saddle was comfortable the whole time; I didn't get sunburned; I took in enough calories, electrolytes and carbs per hour, and never had any stomach upset; and I drank more than I have been, which will become more important as the weather warms up.
Speaking of weather warming up: It was 45 degrees on my last long ride; yesterday it was 80. I wasn't expecting it to warm up so fast, but I'm not complaining - I only have 8 weeks to acclimate to the heat. So hurry up, spring!
The best part of yesterday's workout was how I felt afterwards: GREAT. I had energy, my muscles weren't fatigued, I wasn't tight, and I didn't get The Headache. Today my legs felt just fine. I am very, very happy. Please please please let this mean my body is getting stronger and my fueling is on track.
Today's recovery run was so wonderful; I got to run in the sunshine with a wonderful friend whom I don't see very often. She always makes my inner child so happy. I left smiling and ready to take on the challenge of another week.
At this point in time, my head is screwed back on the right way and I am feeling confident again. I am trying to view this all as a big experiment and to enjoy the process. I will keep fighting and smiling and playing and trying and we will just see how far I can get. And when I finally cross that finish line in Texas, I will know that I can accomplish absolutely anything - whether my mind thinks so or not.
