March Madness

Last week was a great week of training. My swims were decent and my long run (14 miles) was phenomenal. I finally incorporated walk breaks (45 seconds at the start of every mile), which actually made my overall goal pace faster, while still in Zone 2. When I was done, I felt like I still had another 3 miles in me.

I had 70-75 miles planned for Saturday's long ride, but the cold, rainy weather prompted me to ride the trainer instead. I rode for just over 4 hours, taking a 5 minute break every hour to get off the bike, stretch, pee, etc. During the second half of my ride, we watched "Bicycle Dreams," which I thought would inspire me. Instead it TOTALLY FREAKED ME OUT. These people were riding day and night without stopping, and sometimes they were delusional, and getting IVs and all sorts of things. That was NOT good for my psyche.

Also, since I hadn't needed to pee during last weekend's long workout, I thought I should drink more this time. So I did. A total of 5 bike bottles in 4 hours, 3 of which were plain water; the other two were Heed and Perpetuem. I also had Hammer gels with added Endurloytes powder, and a Cliff bar. I think I screwed that up - too much plain water, not enough sodium. I peed after 2 hours (great!) then again an hour later and again an hour later - too much!

Also, my lungs felt like they were filling up with moisture. I used the inhaler an hour into the ride (just half a dose), then again as soon as I was done (the other half of the dose).

After the ride, I ran 20 minutes around the neighborhood. My legs felt surprisingly good - the best they've felt on a brick lately. But my chest felt pretty full, and I started to freak out a bit. I'm pretty sure you need lungs for endurance sports.

I can't really explain what happened next. I just got more and more nervous, and then that lovely feeling of impending doom showed up: my first panic attack in years. Damn.

There was a time about 5 years ago or more when I had anxiety regularly. It was a miserable feeling, always being afraid. When you're going through something like that, you begin to fear that fear more than the things you're afraid of. (Okay, maybe that didn't make sense, but if you've ever experienced it, you understand.) I was scared of everything: physical ailments (some real, some not), dangers like 18-wheelers crossing the center line and running me over, all kinds of things that normally wouldn't bother me. It took a long time and a lot of work but the anxiety finally went away. I have not missed it.

Well, now it's back. I'm worried about Every. Single. Thing. I'm told everyone training for an Ironman goes through times when they don't think they can do it. I've had those moments off and on but have managed them pretty well... until now. The past few days have been extremely difficult. I think the anxiety that's a side effect from the inhaler is feeding into it too. Even though I know these things are in my head, they feel real to my body. I've really, really been wigging out. I even had to stop during my opening 1000 in the pool yesterday to "talk myself down." (I decided I was too embarrassed to get out and have a panic attack in front of everybody, so I kept going.)

I've been avoiding writing this post because I don't want people to know how crazy I feel. But a friend suggested that folks might like to know that I'm going through this, so that if/when they have their own doubts and fears, they'll know it's normal and everybody else (even Tenacious J) goes through it. So, here you go.

If I get the nerve up, maybe I'll talk more about it. I'm sure this, too, will pass. In the meantime, I'm still training and trying to just focus on the moment: this day, this workout, this mile. When the next day/workout/mile comes, then I'll think about that one.

Also, I just want to say that I'm sick and tired of prepping my fuel for long rides. I look forward to normal workouts where I just grab a bottle and a gel and head out the door.

As long as I'm bitching: POLLEN SUCKS, and I'm tired of coughing.

I've made an appointment for a long massage - that will help me relax mentally and physically. Other appointments I've been thinking of making are with a nutritionist (for help with race day fueling), Dr Awesome (haven't seen him in a while; legs feel great but I'm sure I could use a tune-up), and maybe a shrink. I feel like I need one! And there is no shame in seeing one! I wonder, if I spilled my guts to big-head SmackDonald, would he use it against me on the bike leg? Hmmm.... He still wouldn't beat me.

Yeah, there's still a little Tenacious J left in there somewhere. Maybe she's hiding out until all the crazy leaves. It may be a while.

Week 11

Week. 11 presented some challenges: another swim workout was added to the weekly schedule, a brick run was added after Saturday's long ride, and JC was out of town. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get all the workouts in, but somehow, I did it. Hooray!

I owe this week's success to several things:
#1: My Mom. Mom picked up Sophie several afternoons, and kept her overnight Thursday night and all day Friday (school was out for a mini winter break). And she always asks me if I need her help so I can get my weekend workouts done. Thanks, Mom!

#2: My Job. I am very, very fortunate to have a job that does not require to me arrive at a certain time. I'm also able to take a long lunch every so often to go swim. I don't know how people with a strict work schedule are able to fit in all their weekday training. I guess they get up earlier than I do. I'm also not sure how people manage to wear real clothes to work every day. If I don't have meetings, I'm in running shorts. Period.

#3: My Penchant for Planning. When there are so many things to fit into one day, half of them won't get done unless I plan ahead. Swim and bike on Thursday? Which one before work, which one after? Is there something to heat up easily for supper? Pack your bag Wednesday night. Remember to bring something to eat/drink right after your swim for recovery. Bring first and second lunch to work, and a snack. Blah blah blah... And what if there is a snafu, such as the Y's pool being closed during my planned swim time, as it was Thursday? Always have a back-up plan.

The madness of my method: planning out the week

So, somehow, it all got done.

Friday night, I finally accepted that the weather Saturday was going to be too crappy (read: unsafe) to do my long ride outdoors. I was going to have to ride 2 hours 45 minutes on the trainer. I've never liked watching movies while on the trainer, but I didn't see any other way to get through it, so I pulled up Netflix and chose "Raising Arizona." (Can you believe I had never seen it?) It passed the time and even got a few laughs out of me. Then I watched the pilot for "Once Upon a Time" (not terrible) and an episode of "South Park" (always a pleasure).

The other trick to getting through a long trainer ride is to have a workout planned. To just hop on and ride in Zone 2 for almost three hours is NOT going to happen. So I pulled some gems from Workouts in a Binder for Indoor Cycling and wrote out my plan:

Trust me. Having a plan makes the time on the trainer go by much faster.

The ride went okay. I did hop off after an hour and forty-five minutes to lower the riser for my front wheel. The front end was up too high, which put too much weight on the saddle. You can imagine the discomfort. After the adjustment, I was good to go for the last hour. When I was done, I changed into a dry shirt and my running shoes and headed outside for my first brick of the season.

I only had to run 20 minutes in Zone 1. My feet, calves and shins were pretty tight, but I remembered that they would eventually loosen up if I just kept moving. Sure enough, after fifteen minutes, my legs felt light and springy. I was feeling good when it was time to stop. The rain/sleet/hail that fell while I ran was actually soothing - another one of those "good for the soul" workouts.

Sunday's recovery run was slow and easy, and I finally got to add some strides. Oh Happy Day! When you haven't been allowed to run fast for 10 weeks, 20 seconds fast just feels glorious. The only downside is some shin pain on the right leg. I'll keep an eye on it and get it tended to appropriately if needed. I don't have to run again until Wednesday, so I'm sure the rest time will help.

Sophie said today that once I complete the Ironman, I'll actually be an athlete. Then she warned me again that it's going to be hot. "It's in May, Mom. It's hot in May. And it's in Texas. It's hot in Texas."

It's hard to believe it's only three months away.